CD 3 Update

    To start this blog off, this has been the WEIRDEST af I have ever had. Usually hell has broken loose by now. However, this af is unusually manageable. Maybe I am just getting "healthier" or something, would the metformin do this? Its just strange.  I thought the bleeding I am experiencing might be implantation or something, I know, I am reaching pretty far out. But, I have heard of women that mistake implantation or early pregnancy bleeding for af (?) so I have been taking hpts and not really seeing anything.  So I am expecting the flow to pick up, but today is day 3 and my cycle doesn't really go for more than 4 or 5 days (?). I am so lost.

    On another note, the last time I bought some first response pregnancy tests I got a fertility test with it. I know I have used them before, but I don't think I ever read the instructions. So today I used the fertility test by the instructions.  It is basically just an FSH test.

Results look normal, though at the RE he did an ultrasound and said there were PLENTY of eggs left, so I didn't really expect this to be elevated.

I have been using my ovacue, but of course we wont be able to tell anything with that for a few days... like 20 ish to be exact (since my cycles are longish- 46 days is the average right now for me.)

Nothing else to update!  Hope everyone is doing well! 

Say some extra prayers for a blog buddy of mine who is 12 dpo and is testing on Monday.. she is going to be the best mommy ever, her baby is just being picky about when he or she wants to be born!

I give up.

    I am so confused. Did I ovulate, or not.  Which should I trust... a $400 machine or a .50 cent dipstick?  Everyone on my countdowntopregnancy.com page is swearing by the sticks, but i'm just not sold yet.  So today I am either 4dpo or I haven't ovulated yet.  This really sucks.  I feel like I can't count down to test day yet, but I can at the same time. I really just don't know what to do.  I am still testing everyday/night with my ovacue and using the opk's just incase I have not ovulated yet, so I will catch it. I hope my husband doesn't read this but I have accidently  missed a whole day (2 doses) of my metformin and I wonder if that would throw my ovulation off completely (?).

    I just feel like I should give up, at least for this cycle anyway.  I thought since I was getting AF all on my own now with just metformin that I didn't need the RE... at least for a while anyway, but now I feel like I cannot do anything without his overpriced help.  Have any of you ever been in this situation? I feel like I am stuck in limbo, and right around Christmas and my birthday. Are these standard feelings of the two week wait. I mean, most women know when they ovulated, right? My ovacue confirmed ovulation.. I just don't know if I can trust it. GOD, I REALLY HATE THIS.

    I really don't know what to do.

On top of that, I made another blog video the other night that I focused on the cold truths of infertility and my camera died right in the middle of me talking to myself! It didn't even save any of it! I am trying to gather my thoughts back up so I can do another.. but that one was so unscripted and genuine, I felt like it really came from the heart.

It feels like my efforts have gone to hell. And when I get my bfn in a week it will be a big  "I told you so"

A Family Picture

Taken the weekend before Halloween this year at my mom's block party.

My dog, Lilly Bo, was Princess Leia... she had a wig but she didn't like it very much!