Finally, little feet

I know its been forever.. probably years since I have been on here. At one point in the fertility journey, I believe I reached the darkest place I have ever been and I turned away from almost everything. I'm back now :) and I hope that I can make blogging apart of my life again.. that being said, I have a HUGE update to do.

Yes, I finally have a single pair of little feet. Let me start with December of 2012.

We took the November-December cycle off. I just finished two round of clomid and a chemical pregnancy. I was waiting for CD 1 to go back to the RE.

My body felt funny and I did an opk December 8th and it was blazing positive. I know we weren't trying but it was awesome to see my body finally working. I kept doing opks a few days in a row and all positive!!!

December 29th I finally decided to quit putting off testing. I had been cramping badly for days, wondering why AF was no where to be found. There I was, sitting in the bathroom dipping a pregnancy test. The pink dye ran across the screen and I stared at the test area. I saw something. All I could think is my eyes are playing tricks!! Seconds that felt like hours ticked by and a beautiful pink line started to appear. My heart stopped, sped up, and skipped a beat all at the same time. I yelled frantically for my husband. When he came in all I could say was, "I'm pregnant!" Sure enough I was screaming and crying. Of course we ran out and bought several more tests, just to make sure!

Everything was positive, including digitals! Of course we were ecstatic bit by this point we had miscarried 4 babies, so we were "cautiously excited".

My first beta was December 30th- 276 :)

Throughout the next few weeks I had the worst cramping which landed me with a beta every 2-3 days for about two weeks. They always went up. The most beautiful thing ever.

Youtube TTC Channel

Not sure how many of you know about my TTC youtube channel, anywho here is the link

http://www.youtube.com/user/MrsJones0731/videos 

I would love for everyone to check it out! Subscribe! Leave a comment! Hope that everyone enjoys it!

Yay! Good News Everyone!

    Sorry it's been so long since my last post. We are looking at moving, Nate started a new job, and things have just been hectic in this house!!!

    We went back to the RE this past Monday, the 5th.  If you all remember, we haven't been back since he made us take a break back in October or November. He sat us in his office and said my levels of everything were looking good and he wanted to take the next step to get me pregnant! Woohoo! He wrote me my first prescription for clomid! Starting out on 50mg, CD 3-7.  Was on CD 26 day of doctors appointment but he went ahead and gave me provera to go ahead and start the cycle so we can start clomid!! So excited!!! Finally, some medication that is going to get stuff done. I go in for a mid cycle ultrasound on CD 12 or 13!!!! :D:D:D Honestly I am not expecting the 50mg to work for me. Since I got sick at the beginning of last month I have not been taking my metformin! I know I know, its bad.. I tried to take it the other day and I was SO SICK, it was the worst I have felt in a long time. I just couldn't bring myself to take it again and there was no way I was going to be able to go to work with what it was doing to my stomach.  Who knows, 50mg may be all we need!


Oh yeah, I am on day four of ten with provera... so six days of pills left. They are doing a number on me this time... Hot flashes, mood swings, the works... what is the deal with that?!

   Not much else is going on, I have lost another 8ish pounds since my last appointment with my family doctor in December. I'm not going to be all hardcore weight loss... bad for fertility. But I have made different lifestyle choices that are leading to a healthy weightloss, 1lb a week or so. That is fine by me.. I honestly wouldn't loose any weight, I really love my body the way it is, but I am doing for the sake of my fertility.

    I know I am going to get pregnant.. I know it is going to happen. It has to. Its going to work. It will work. Maybe not this cycle, but I know it will. I just have that feeling like it is our time. Things are great other than our incomplete family status.

                                                Look below for a bad ass rx!

CD 3 Update

    To start this blog off, this has been the WEIRDEST af I have ever had. Usually hell has broken loose by now. However, this af is unusually manageable. Maybe I am just getting "healthier" or something, would the metformin do this? Its just strange.  I thought the bleeding I am experiencing might be implantation or something, I know, I am reaching pretty far out. But, I have heard of women that mistake implantation or early pregnancy bleeding for af (?) so I have been taking hpts and not really seeing anything.  So I am expecting the flow to pick up, but today is day 3 and my cycle doesn't really go for more than 4 or 5 days (?). I am so lost.

    On another note, the last time I bought some first response pregnancy tests I got a fertility test with it. I know I have used them before, but I don't think I ever read the instructions. So today I used the fertility test by the instructions.  It is basically just an FSH test.

Results look normal, though at the RE he did an ultrasound and said there were PLENTY of eggs left, so I didn't really expect this to be elevated.

I have been using my ovacue, but of course we wont be able to tell anything with that for a few days... like 20 ish to be exact (since my cycles are longish- 46 days is the average right now for me.)

Nothing else to update!  Hope everyone is doing well! 

Say some extra prayers for a blog buddy of mine who is 12 dpo and is testing on Monday.. she is going to be the best mommy ever, her baby is just being picky about when he or she wants to be born!

Farewell 2011, you suck!

    Yeah, the title says it all. 2011 sucked badly. Everything terrible happened this year. My husband thinks I am being negative, however, I think the facts say it all. Lets do a time line, shall we?

January 2011-Started a new job
                     Moved into a new house. Not an actual`"new" place, it needed (needs) some major renovations 
                      Found out we were pregnant!! Totally ecstatic and scared s*!*$less at the same time!

February 2011- Had a m/c at 7 weeks and to top it off had a Dr that said, "whats the big deal, you can get                  
                         pregnant again"
                         Had the worst AF you could ever imagine as my body expelled our bean.
                         Got a new doctor and fired the B!tch doctor. Told him I was having terrible abdominal pain,
                          he ordered an ultrasound.

March 2011- Went in for an ultrasound and they told me my husband couldn't come back with me. Totally
                      uncool, we are with each other 100% of the way with this and they separated us :(.  The lady
                      let me look at the screen until she quickly turned it away and told me I couldn't look.

April 2011- Tried calling my doctor every day for a month to get my ultrasound results, found out he was on a month long vacation and I would have to wait.

May 2011- the b!tch doctor read my results and tried to tell me I had a sexually transmitted disease. My
                  husband and I tried to find out who cheated on who.
                  A couple days later my regular doctor called to have me come in. Found out I did NOT have an
                 STD but a hydrosalphinx and he told me it was no big deal and it could be taken care of.
                  Went to obgyn who said that I would for sure have to loose my fallopian tube. Did an
                  endometrial biopsy or EMB which landed me in the hospital for 3 days.
                 I was pissed that I had to have a partial hysterectomy at 21.

June 2011- Had left fallopian tube removed. VERY painful!

July 2011- celebrated 1st wedding anniversary!
                 Obgyn refused to help with infertility or at least try a round of clomid for fear of lawsuit (yeah,
                 really, right!) Referred to reproductive endocrinologist.

August 2011- First appointment with RE, diagnosed with PCOS. Started provera because I was currently on
                      CD 180 at time of appointment.

September 2011- Semen analysis showed normal despite RE's suspicion of low count because of DH's
                            undecended testical that was corrected at birth.

October 2011- Had hysterosalphingogram or HSG, PPAAAIINNFULL!, showed compleatly normal
                        right side :D :D :D, and compleatly nonfunctional  left side.
                        Had glucose tolerance test which showed abnormal.

November 2011- Had a1c drawn at RE's office, showed 6.8 and RE decided to drop all treatment plans until
                            it is "under control".
                           Went to family doctor to formulate a plan. Dr was as stunned as we were as to why the RE
                            sent us to a family doctor to control insulin resistance when it was infact caused by PCOS.
                           Started metformin er 750 mg twice a day.
                            Ovulated and had af all on my own.

December 2011- took a pregnancy test at 6 dpo which showed a BFP!!!!! ECSTATIC!!!!!!!!!!! Couldn't
                           believe it!
                           Took more hpt's and all showed negative. Found out the brand I was using was recalled for
                            false positives, FML.
                           Metformin upped to 2000 mg's a day.
                           Fertility plan still unknown at this point.

   So as you can see, this is not me being negative, its just the facts! Just so we're clear, nothing good happened this year, nothing really, I swear. I am clinically depressed at this point. Mainly because we cannot continue on with fertility treatments because my body is hardly responding to metformin. I really hope 2012 is a better year for us. The only thing that could happen to be worse is to loose my other tube or have another m/c. It has got to be a good year. I'm going to get my body into tip top shape for a baby!

A small update

    So I hope everyone had a good holiday. Mine was decent.

    Had my most recent doctors appointment yesterday with the family doctor. As all of you know our RE has stopped seeing us until my a1c of 6.8 is dropped down and under control-I don't know what he wants it to get to-according to all of our research, anything under 7 is considered "under control". So I started metformin a few weeks ago and attempted to change my diet.
     I refuse to use the term "going on a diet" because that's just stupid. If you are at a point where you need to go on a diet its because your daily diet sucks... So you don't need a diet, you need a daily diet overhaul. A permanent change.
    My blood sugars seemed to be fairly decent. However, I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy a few weeks ago and had to take some pretty impressive steroids. Found out those will screw up your blood sugar.
    Anywho, went in for that and had some blood drawn to check it. I did a home check a few weeks ago and it was 6.7, down 1/10th, but thats not good enough of a change for me. I hope it is lower now.
    My family doctor, which I hand picked because I use to work with him in the ER, is awesome. He listens to me and gets the job at hand done and delt with. He has been our doctor since our miscarriage, he found the hydrosalphinx and got us to the obgyn and RE. However, at this appointment I really was questioning his knowledge of anything. He was trying to find a way to get my blood sugars down and told me that he was going to put me on birth control... WHAT!!??.. He said to regulate my cycles and get rid of insulin resistance. I was like, um, doctor.. excuse me but I have PCOS and the second I come off of that birth control pill which I hate so much, everything will go right back to the way it was. He went and talked to the attending doctor who told him it would be pointless to put me on bc since it would be defeating the whole purpose of us being here, a pregnancy. So he upped my metformin to 1000 mg twice a day. Up from my 1500 mg a day. We will see how this goes. He is going to call my RE tomorrow and ask him what he is expecting of us. Which is pretty awesome of him to do.

   I am ready to get this situated because me not getting af on my own like I did last month is pissing me off. In my last post I told you that I started provera again, which as we all know means I will not ovulate and have a real period... Which means I will go through an AF where I cant even ttc... Because I wont ovulate after provera, right? So this really sucks, I don't really know what I am to do right now.

Yay!

    I was so upset the day that the RE called and told me he was holding off all of our treatment until my blood sugar lowered a bit.  Went to the family doctor and we started metformin extended release 750 mg twice a day.  He said my a1c would be down a point in a month and that should be plenty good enough to start back treatment again.  So my appointment is set for December 28th.  It just seems like we will never get back on track to start treatment again.

   So get this, I woke up in TERRIBLE pain the night before last... Had no idea what was going on. The next day, AF showed up.. without progesterone!  Turns out the positive opk I had exactly 14 days before af showed up was truly positive. AHH!  Who knows, I may not even need to go back to the RE?! I read that metformin can regulate your cycle and bring on ovulation... but I heard that would take months. I can't believe I started on my own and exactly 14 dpo.. amazing! My husband and I almost started crying yesterday morning, we were so excited and so proud. See, normal couples would not rejoice in a period, but for us it was like winning a gold!!

    I know if this keeps up, we are in the home stretch.

On that note I want to congratulate one of my blog buddies who just found out that she was expecting this week! I am so excited for her, and I cannot wait to read all of her updates on her pregnancy! I will be praying for a healthy and exciting 9 months!

Product Review: Ovacue Fertility Monitor and Vaginal Sensor

    Here are my thoughts and opinions on the Ovacue.  I received it a few months ago when I won a contest through my facebook.  I thought it would be the end-all testing device to finally get pregnant.  I heard a lot a good things about it. Bundled with the vaginal sensor, which I think is a must, it is around $350.00.

   I received the monitor a few days before the vaginal sensor ( I think it was because of the person running the contest). The monitor comes with an oral sensor about the size of a teaspoon. You are not suppose to use it until CD (cycle day) 2.  Needless to say, I couldn't use it for a few weeks.  When I finally did get to use it after a hefty dose of progesterone this is what I believe of it:

I tested every morning with the oral sensor before I got out of bed, just like the instructions told me so. It took about 2 1/2 weeks for the days to color in.  It is suppose to predict up to a week in advance when you ovulate, and then with the optional vaginal sensor it is suppose to confirm ovulation.

After your cycle stops then you can use the vaginal sensor every afternoon... At least two hours after being awake and moving, before midnight, and before or 8 hours after having intercourse.

It did "predict" when I would ovulate... based on a woman's average cycle, which I am not an average woman, nor is my cycle.

I emailed their tech support.  They were great, but I felt like they could only help me so much. She said that the colors filled in because the monitor picked up that my body had selected a dominate follicle.  I knew I probably would not ovulate, but it was cool to see that the monitor was working. I never did get a "conformation of ovulation color block".  I skipped ahead to look at the months to come and the colors were already filled in for a few days every month.  So are you trying to tell me that my body has selected a follicle for every cycle for the next few months..  yeah.

It did kind of tick me off that it had done this.  Made me sort of loose hope in all of it.

Another thing I don't understand is that you can only change information on cycle day two, no matter what, or it will apparently screw everything up.  Here is my predicament. I set it so that my cycle length would be 35 days.. My cycles are NEVER predictable so I really have no clue when my new cycle will start. I am currently on cycle day 36 today. But I can't keep testing because it thinks I am on a new cycle and I also cannot go in and change the length. See where I am coming from?

I guess I am glad that I didn't have to spend close to 400$ on this but instead I got it for free. I have heard that it works for a ton of people and im sure it does... just not for me, or at least with the cycles I am having right now.

A Family Picture

Taken the weekend before Halloween this year at my mom's block party.

My dog, Lilly Bo, was Princess Leia... she had a wig but she didn't like it very much!

An upside

    In a way, I am thankful that my RE has stopped treatment.  God must have a special baby picked out for us and he just wants me to be super healthy before we can have it.  When I was upset about stopping treatment, it wasn't that I didn't care about not being healthy and getting my blood sugar down, I was just angry that I have something else I have to deal with now.

    I'm sure it will be a lot easier now to get rid of my "borderline diabetes" than it would be if I developed gestational diabetes... I want my baby to be the healthiest ever!

    I just hope we don't have to go on too long of a break, after all, we did just start working with him in September!

    Another way to look at it.. I am starting metformin and, while I was going to start it anyway for PCOS, they say the longer you take it before you start clomid the more receptive your body will be towards it-thus, it is more likely to work.  I was going to be on it 3-4 weeks before starting clomid, but now, it may be a few months... Maybe clomid will work a lot better for us!

    Who knows, I just hope we can get all of this situated.

Give me a break, I give up!

    Just when I think things have taken a turn for the better, life throws one back at me...again.

    My RE was concerned about PCOS elevating my sugar and impairing my insulin so, on our first visit a few months ago, I had an A1c test which showed slightly elevated.  Then he wanted me to get a glucose tolerance test.  After playing phone tag for a week with my primary care doctor's office finally got me in.

    It was a terrible experience.  Right off the bat my phlebotomist came out and said that this was his first time ever doing this.  I could tell because the glucose he gave me, I think, was too much.  I read the instructions and the whole bottle was 100 grams... For pregnant women testing for gestational diabetes they get 100 grams and non pregnant women are suppose to get 80.  Needless to say, the guy had no idea and had me drink the whole bottle.  After he proceeded to blow both of my garden hose veins in my AC, he said I would get a blood draw every hour. I'm not sure if it makes a difference but he was late 15 minutes past every hour.

   Longer story short, I got a voicemail from my RE yesterday stating that my levels were abnormal and they could indicate diabetes.  He then said he was stopping my treatment until I could get this under control.  WHAT? He is an endocrinologist after all!!  He had written me an RX for metformin on our last appointment, I don't understand why he just won't start me on that... I mean, when my family doctor called me with the results he said that's all I would need.

    So now after all of the progress we have made with the RE is gone.  You know how they say you are most fertile within 3 months after your HSG, that's gone now too.  I am so angry.

    I had so much hope with my RE, he was so confident in us and now that he is stopped my treatment I feel like I have no hope any more.

   Just another thing, I guess, to tack on to our roadblocks.

There is one thing I do not understand.  They said my fasting blood sugar was 177; however, I have been checking my fasting blood sugar every day for the past week and the highest that I have ever gotten was 130, the lowest was 88.  I am so confused!

All of the goals I set for us this year are now out of reach. What am suppose to do now? I am still losing weight, I am still on my new eating habits- what am I doing wrong? I feel like I am being punished.

God, I don't know what message you are trying to get to me.  Can't anything go well?  Can't we ever get some good news? Am I supposed to just not care about this? Please, tell me what I am suppose to do...