Finally, little feet

I know its been forever.. probably years since I have been on here. At one point in the fertility journey, I believe I reached the darkest place I have ever been and I turned away from almost everything. I'm back now :) and I hope that I can make blogging apart of my life again.. that being said, I have a HUGE update to do.

Yes, I finally have a single pair of little feet. Let me start with December of 2012.

We took the November-December cycle off. I just finished two round of clomid and a chemical pregnancy. I was waiting for CD 1 to go back to the RE.

My body felt funny and I did an opk December 8th and it was blazing positive. I know we weren't trying but it was awesome to see my body finally working. I kept doing opks a few days in a row and all positive!!!

December 29th I finally decided to quit putting off testing. I had been cramping badly for days, wondering why AF was no where to be found. There I was, sitting in the bathroom dipping a pregnancy test. The pink dye ran across the screen and I stared at the test area. I saw something. All I could think is my eyes are playing tricks!! Seconds that felt like hours ticked by and a beautiful pink line started to appear. My heart stopped, sped up, and skipped a beat all at the same time. I yelled frantically for my husband. When he came in all I could say was, "I'm pregnant!" Sure enough I was screaming and crying. Of course we ran out and bought several more tests, just to make sure!

Everything was positive, including digitals! Of course we were ecstatic bit by this point we had miscarried 4 babies, so we were "cautiously excited".

My first beta was December 30th- 276 :)

Throughout the next few weeks I had the worst cramping which landed me with a beta every 2-3 days for about two weeks. They always went up. The most beautiful thing ever.

Yay! Good News Everyone!

    Sorry it's been so long since my last post. We are looking at moving, Nate started a new job, and things have just been hectic in this house!!!

    We went back to the RE this past Monday, the 5th.  If you all remember, we haven't been back since he made us take a break back in October or November. He sat us in his office and said my levels of everything were looking good and he wanted to take the next step to get me pregnant! Woohoo! He wrote me my first prescription for clomid! Starting out on 50mg, CD 3-7.  Was on CD 26 day of doctors appointment but he went ahead and gave me provera to go ahead and start the cycle so we can start clomid!! So excited!!! Finally, some medication that is going to get stuff done. I go in for a mid cycle ultrasound on CD 12 or 13!!!! :D:D:D Honestly I am not expecting the 50mg to work for me. Since I got sick at the beginning of last month I have not been taking my metformin! I know I know, its bad.. I tried to take it the other day and I was SO SICK, it was the worst I have felt in a long time. I just couldn't bring myself to take it again and there was no way I was going to be able to go to work with what it was doing to my stomach.  Who knows, 50mg may be all we need!


Oh yeah, I am on day four of ten with provera... so six days of pills left. They are doing a number on me this time... Hot flashes, mood swings, the works... what is the deal with that?!

   Not much else is going on, I have lost another 8ish pounds since my last appointment with my family doctor in December. I'm not going to be all hardcore weight loss... bad for fertility. But I have made different lifestyle choices that are leading to a healthy weightloss, 1lb a week or so. That is fine by me.. I honestly wouldn't loose any weight, I really love my body the way it is, but I am doing for the sake of my fertility.

    I know I am going to get pregnant.. I know it is going to happen. It has to. Its going to work. It will work. Maybe not this cycle, but I know it will. I just have that feeling like it is our time. Things are great other than our incomplete family status.

                                                Look below for a bad ass rx!

My right side and my wrong side.

    Moved a few things around in ovacue and the colors filled in on the calender (you can see it above). So it confirmed ovulation on the 7th.  I am currently 2dpo.  Isn't it a fight to track down ovulation... Waiting all through af, over analyzing every symptom, blah blah blah.. What sucks is even though I have gone through all of that, all of my ovulation pains have been on my wrong side left side.  Even though my RE told me that if I ovulate on the side with no fallopian tube, my right tube could pick it up.  Rare, but he said it does happen!  So even if I do ovulate and everything is perfect, I could still miss my egg because there is no way to get to it. RE said that he will give me double or maybe even triple time (a year or more) on clomid since I only have one tube.  I know what you are thinking, they say it is bad for you to stay on clomid that long, but he said that is a myth.

    I wish I could test today... because lets face it, December 21st will be 14dpo and while I doubt i'll wait that long to test (I will probably test 9dpo... I know, bad me) it is going to suck to find out your cycle failed right before Christmas, my birthday (the 27th), and my next doctors appointment (the 28th).

  In a way I am glad that we are on an RE break, however at the same time I am angry at myself.  It feels like we have reverted back to before we sought out reproductive help. Before I just denied in my mind that there was a problem and that everything would be ok.  Then I came to terms with it and went to the obgyn.  When we were working with the RE we were doing so well, getting so much done. I knew baby was right around the corner.  Now it feels like I am back to "nothings wrong, it will happen eventually". I guess in a way it is good because I am not so stressed out, but I don't feel motivated to get things done either.

  I suppose only time will tell. I don't want to get too excited, but its hard not to.

An upside

    In a way, I am thankful that my RE has stopped treatment.  God must have a special baby picked out for us and he just wants me to be super healthy before we can have it.  When I was upset about stopping treatment, it wasn't that I didn't care about not being healthy and getting my blood sugar down, I was just angry that I have something else I have to deal with now.

    I'm sure it will be a lot easier now to get rid of my "borderline diabetes" than it would be if I developed gestational diabetes... I want my baby to be the healthiest ever!

    I just hope we don't have to go on too long of a break, after all, we did just start working with him in September!

    Another way to look at it.. I am starting metformin and, while I was going to start it anyway for PCOS, they say the longer you take it before you start clomid the more receptive your body will be towards it-thus, it is more likely to work.  I was going to be on it 3-4 weeks before starting clomid, but now, it may be a few months... Maybe clomid will work a lot better for us!

    Who knows, I just hope we can get all of this situated.