Yay! Good News Everyone!

    Sorry it's been so long since my last post. We are looking at moving, Nate started a new job, and things have just been hectic in this house!!!

    We went back to the RE this past Monday, the 5th.  If you all remember, we haven't been back since he made us take a break back in October or November. He sat us in his office and said my levels of everything were looking good and he wanted to take the next step to get me pregnant! Woohoo! He wrote me my first prescription for clomid! Starting out on 50mg, CD 3-7.  Was on CD 26 day of doctors appointment but he went ahead and gave me provera to go ahead and start the cycle so we can start clomid!! So excited!!! Finally, some medication that is going to get stuff done. I go in for a mid cycle ultrasound on CD 12 or 13!!!! :D:D:D Honestly I am not expecting the 50mg to work for me. Since I got sick at the beginning of last month I have not been taking my metformin! I know I know, its bad.. I tried to take it the other day and I was SO SICK, it was the worst I have felt in a long time. I just couldn't bring myself to take it again and there was no way I was going to be able to go to work with what it was doing to my stomach.  Who knows, 50mg may be all we need!


Oh yeah, I am on day four of ten with provera... so six days of pills left. They are doing a number on me this time... Hot flashes, mood swings, the works... what is the deal with that?!

   Not much else is going on, I have lost another 8ish pounds since my last appointment with my family doctor in December. I'm not going to be all hardcore weight loss... bad for fertility. But I have made different lifestyle choices that are leading to a healthy weightloss, 1lb a week or so. That is fine by me.. I honestly wouldn't loose any weight, I really love my body the way it is, but I am doing for the sake of my fertility.

    I know I am going to get pregnant.. I know it is going to happen. It has to. Its going to work. It will work. Maybe not this cycle, but I know it will. I just have that feeling like it is our time. Things are great other than our incomplete family status.

                                                Look below for a bad ass rx!

Farewell 2011, you suck!

    Yeah, the title says it all. 2011 sucked badly. Everything terrible happened this year. My husband thinks I am being negative, however, I think the facts say it all. Lets do a time line, shall we?

January 2011-Started a new job
                     Moved into a new house. Not an actual`"new" place, it needed (needs) some major renovations 
                      Found out we were pregnant!! Totally ecstatic and scared s*!*$less at the same time!

February 2011- Had a m/c at 7 weeks and to top it off had a Dr that said, "whats the big deal, you can get                  
                         pregnant again"
                         Had the worst AF you could ever imagine as my body expelled our bean.
                         Got a new doctor and fired the B!tch doctor. Told him I was having terrible abdominal pain,
                          he ordered an ultrasound.

March 2011- Went in for an ultrasound and they told me my husband couldn't come back with me. Totally
                      uncool, we are with each other 100% of the way with this and they separated us :(.  The lady
                      let me look at the screen until she quickly turned it away and told me I couldn't look.

April 2011- Tried calling my doctor every day for a month to get my ultrasound results, found out he was on a month long vacation and I would have to wait.

May 2011- the b!tch doctor read my results and tried to tell me I had a sexually transmitted disease. My
                  husband and I tried to find out who cheated on who.
                  A couple days later my regular doctor called to have me come in. Found out I did NOT have an
                 STD but a hydrosalphinx and he told me it was no big deal and it could be taken care of.
                  Went to obgyn who said that I would for sure have to loose my fallopian tube. Did an
                  endometrial biopsy or EMB which landed me in the hospital for 3 days.
                 I was pissed that I had to have a partial hysterectomy at 21.

June 2011- Had left fallopian tube removed. VERY painful!

July 2011- celebrated 1st wedding anniversary!
                 Obgyn refused to help with infertility or at least try a round of clomid for fear of lawsuit (yeah,
                 really, right!) Referred to reproductive endocrinologist.

August 2011- First appointment with RE, diagnosed with PCOS. Started provera because I was currently on
                      CD 180 at time of appointment.

September 2011- Semen analysis showed normal despite RE's suspicion of low count because of DH's
                            undecended testical that was corrected at birth.

October 2011- Had hysterosalphingogram or HSG, PPAAAIINNFULL!, showed compleatly normal
                        right side :D :D :D, and compleatly nonfunctional  left side.
                        Had glucose tolerance test which showed abnormal.

November 2011- Had a1c drawn at RE's office, showed 6.8 and RE decided to drop all treatment plans until
                            it is "under control".
                           Went to family doctor to formulate a plan. Dr was as stunned as we were as to why the RE
                            sent us to a family doctor to control insulin resistance when it was infact caused by PCOS.
                           Started metformin er 750 mg twice a day.
                            Ovulated and had af all on my own.

December 2011- took a pregnancy test at 6 dpo which showed a BFP!!!!! ECSTATIC!!!!!!!!!!! Couldn't
                           believe it!
                           Took more hpt's and all showed negative. Found out the brand I was using was recalled for
                            false positives, FML.
                           Metformin upped to 2000 mg's a day.
                           Fertility plan still unknown at this point.

   So as you can see, this is not me being negative, its just the facts! Just so we're clear, nothing good happened this year, nothing really, I swear. I am clinically depressed at this point. Mainly because we cannot continue on with fertility treatments because my body is hardly responding to metformin. I really hope 2012 is a better year for us. The only thing that could happen to be worse is to loose my other tube or have another m/c. It has got to be a good year. I'm going to get my body into tip top shape for a baby!

My right side and my wrong side.

    Moved a few things around in ovacue and the colors filled in on the calender (you can see it above). So it confirmed ovulation on the 7th.  I am currently 2dpo.  Isn't it a fight to track down ovulation... Waiting all through af, over analyzing every symptom, blah blah blah.. What sucks is even though I have gone through all of that, all of my ovulation pains have been on my wrong side left side.  Even though my RE told me that if I ovulate on the side with no fallopian tube, my right tube could pick it up.  Rare, but he said it does happen!  So even if I do ovulate and everything is perfect, I could still miss my egg because there is no way to get to it. RE said that he will give me double or maybe even triple time (a year or more) on clomid since I only have one tube.  I know what you are thinking, they say it is bad for you to stay on clomid that long, but he said that is a myth.

    I wish I could test today... because lets face it, December 21st will be 14dpo and while I doubt i'll wait that long to test (I will probably test 9dpo... I know, bad me) it is going to suck to find out your cycle failed right before Christmas, my birthday (the 27th), and my next doctors appointment (the 28th).

  In a way I am glad that we are on an RE break, however at the same time I am angry at myself.  It feels like we have reverted back to before we sought out reproductive help. Before I just denied in my mind that there was a problem and that everything would be ok.  Then I came to terms with it and went to the obgyn.  When we were working with the RE we were doing so well, getting so much done. I knew baby was right around the corner.  Now it feels like I am back to "nothings wrong, it will happen eventually". I guess in a way it is good because I am not so stressed out, but I don't feel motivated to get things done either.

  I suppose only time will tell. I don't want to get too excited, but its hard not to.

Torture in October

    Yesterday I had my HSG.  I have been looking forward to getting this done all year, at the same time I was really nervous. I had a strange feeling that my right tube was not going to be any good either.

    My appointment was at 1pm so I worked that morning from 6:30 am to 12:00pm.  I have never been so angry at work before.  Long story short when I found out when I had to do this (the only day they would do this during the week) I asked someone if they would be able to work my shift for me.  She could but the only thing was that she couldn't be in until 1:00 pm.  So no one had a problem with this until yesterday morning when the charge nurse flipped out on me... she was so rude and completely unprofessional.  As if I wasn't nervous enough already, this person had to show her ass yesterday.  My boss (which is over her) is the one that said this was ok, so i'm not worried about getting in "trouble"... but she defiantly didn't help my day go any better.

    So pissed off, angry, and nervous I walk to the bathroom before I leave work and I stare into the mirror.  I can see the tears building up behind my eyes.  I had a feeling of overwhelming fear.  Fear of the pain, fear of the results, fear of the fact that this is really happening.  I walked out and met my husband, he always makes me feel better.  A few minutes later we were at the hospital.  We checked in at 12:30 and waited in the lobby for about 20 minutes.  Then we went to registration where we were until about 1:15.  I thought when we made an appointment for 1pm we would be further along in the process than this.  So at 2:15 the radiology assistant finally came to get us.

    Fortunately, my husband was allowed to be in the room with me.  I changed into their "mini" hospital gown that came about an inch to my upper thigh.  We walked to the room and I was instructed to lay on the table. My husband suited up with a lead vest.  Moments later a resident and my doctor walked through the door.  I didn't know a resident would be doing my procedure.  I mean, I work at a university hospital but the fertility clinic that I go to has nothing to do with this hospital.  Not that I mind residents or anything, but I wish they would of told me before hand, that way I knew what to expect.

    Did I mention she was pregnant??  She was.  So was the surgeon that "took out" (i'll explain later) my fallopian tube, the resident I first talked to at the clinic, and the ob/gyn doctor I had to see in the ER.  My husband chuckled a little bit in the room... he and I didn't need to say anything, we knew just what the other was thinking.

    The resident said she would talk me through every step.  Even with the medication, I was still very aware of what was going on.  First the speculum, then some weird wet thing that was very painful that I later figured to be some giant wad of 4x4's soaked in betadine (she didn't talk me through that step).  Then she says, "ok, your going to feel a big stick and a burn" and i'm like.. what? why? Come to find out that they were numbing my cervix with lidocaine ,injected.  But not until about two minutes later did she stick me, so I thought oh ok she did it and I didn't even feel it. No.  Talk about pain! My husband later told me that they used a 6 inch 14 gauge needle! ah! What were they doing.. a spinal tap on my cervix? Geeze!

    After that the resident didn't tell me anything she was doing.  They then inserted a (this is all according to my husband because I couldn't see or remember) "giant metal ET tube looking thing with a ball on one end"- my husbands description.  No wonder why it hurt so bad!!  Then they injected 20cc's of contrast into my uterus... It was the strangest feeling in the world.

  Then the freaky part... are you ready for this??

   My RE then says..."so wait, you said you had one of your tubes removed?" and I say, "yes, the left one, the right one should still be there". RE- "well, I see both of your tubes and they are both open. You have both of your tubes"... At that point my heart skipped a few beats and it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach.  Could this be my bundle branch block or the fact that they just tortured my womanhood? Not at all, its because in June I had a surgery to take my left tube out and now you are telling me it is there?!?!

    The RE stared at the screen for minutes trying to figure out what was going on.  All he could come up with was that it appeared there was a hole in my left tube... He said he would have to look at my operative report, again, to figure out what was going on.

    Scratching his head he said, "we need to see you back in the clinic", and walked out.

    Then I attempted the impossible and trying to get off of this table.  I did fairly well and made it to the bathroom doubled over.  They appropriately had handles on either side of the toilet because I NEEDED THEM! haha, it was terrible.  But I was really happy that I have a perfectly normal side!

   After that we went to the clinic to get Nate's semen analysis results.  Everything looked good with that too.

    So we are guessing with the next appointment we will be started on clomid and maybe metformin for my PCOS.

    Excited! Haven't scheduled my next appointment yet, but I will probably call today!

Here We Go

    I know it has been a while since I typed my last blog post.  This past Monday, the 19th we met with with our Reproductive Endocrinologist.  I have been looking online at this place since I found out we were going here.  Some stuff I read about it was really good, some, not so good. To say the least, we were nervous.

    As we walked back to the exam room my hands were shaking! Eventually we were taken back into the RE's office. The game plan for the day was an ultrasound and pelvic exam and depending on what we found with that would determine what our next move was. The ultrasound showed that I have some cysts on my cervix, but they said that is completely normal and a lot of people have them, it should have no bearing on trying to conceive. He said my uterus looked great. When we got to my ovaries he said they had the classic "string of pearls" appearance that Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  He also said that I have plenty of eggs/follicles in each of my ovaries.

    I am glad I did plenty of research on PCOS and I had pretty much diagnosed myself with it-so I wasn't really shocked  or anything.  The RE said he wasn't 100% sure that it was PCOS but it was a great possibility. He went ahead and prescribed me Provera once a day for 12 days to kick start my cycle (I was on  day 72 (!!!) at this appointment). He was going to give me Clomid but we are going to do a hysterosalphingogram or HSG before that... There is no since in inducing ovulation if your tubes or in my case tube isn't even open.

   So I have to wait for the first day of my cycle to call and schedule the HSG.  I am on the 5th pill today, I think. So about another week and a half and I can schedule it.  Also, since my husband had an undescended testicle that was corrected when he was an infant, the doctor is concerned about male factor infertility.  He has an appointment for a semen analysis this coming up Wednesday.  He is nervous that his count may be low- or non-existent.  We have been talking about what we will do if that is the case... donor sperm I guess but we are not going to think too much about this until we have some solid answers.

    The RE we have is amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better outcome. He made us feel important, like he really cared about our situation and is going to do whatever it takes to solve this puzzle. He is very sweet.

    When we were leaving the office we were handed a price list.  As many of you know, most insurance companies in this country do not cover any type of fertility treatment.  We are lucky in that our insurance company covers 1 office visit, 1 HSG, 1 round of blood work, 1 post coital test, 1 semen analysis and something else that I can't think of at the moment. 15 states have mandates concerning infertility.  Arkansas has a mandate that states insurance companies must cover testing to diagnose fertility (the one of each list that I put above) and one round of IVF, medications not included. Medications for an IVF cycle can be around $6,000 once it is all said and done. People think that these mandates are great.. I think it is crappy. They will pay part of the fee to diagnose you with something and then kick you to the curb when it comes for treatment.

    The down side is we are on our own for the rest. The office visit charge is anywhere from $150-$350, just for the visit. This fee does not include any procedure or test performed during the visit.  Also, an intrauterine insemination is only $190 (a great price). For 12 pills ( a months supply) is only $3 for me. A months supply for Clomid (about 5 pills) will be around $15.  I guess it is a lot better than we were expecting. This we can afford. We are going to be in trouble though if the Clomid or trigger shots don't work and we have to do invitro fertilization or IVF.

    If anyone that is having to go through treatment wants a copy of my price list, just let me know and I will send one to you.

I drink raspberry leaf tea - it is suppose to strengthen the uterus and increase blood flow to the pelvic organs among some other great things. On every bag of tea there is a quote, like this one above.