A rant.

    With all of the groups I belong to about infertility, I ran into one woman that I think about all the time.. of course all of us had things in common but the one thing her and I shared is age.

  Here is my rant for all of you ladies out there who have not reached the age of  "the public will support your trying to get pregnant because we believe you are old enough now".

  I don't think that because I am "only" 21 that I would be a bad parent. I have a stable job, an education,a steady income, a wonderful husband and a great home. So at what point does society decide that you do not have to be criticized anymore about your age? I know parents reaching their 30's who suck at it.. badly.. and I have a great friend that has just 19 who is the most amazing mother I have ever seen. I believe I am so depressed with my situation because I was afraid to reach out for help, because of my age. Only just now am I coming to the point that I don't care what everyone thinks.. My husband and I know when is right for us. Not our family or friends or strangers.
   I am so tired of the "oh you have plenty of time", or "you are so young!'' speech. We don't have plenty of time.. my right fallopian tube is like a freaking ticking time bomb.. any little twinge or pain I feel on that side sends my heart into asystole because I am terrified of another hydrosalphinx, which is bound to happen.
  At this point, we are parents with no children. It feels like our life is at a standstill until we can jump this hurdle. God is watching over us.. we knew we wanted children some time ago - and we were not going to prevent it. Something washed over the both of us, a feeling like we had a mission to get pregnant NOW, as if it were our only hope--yeah yeah, even before we were married. We listened to everyone who told us we were too young and didn't need children.. And when we decided to really start trying, I came up with a hydrosalphinx.. It just makes me so angry because we should of listened to that voice that told us we needed to get pregnant now-- I feel like if I wouldn't of let everyone make that decision for us we would not be going through this now. But since we ignored our own intuition we are now paying the price..literally.

 Infertility has turned me into someone I did not want to become. I am angry all the time. Some days it hurts to look at pregnant women and infants. Other days I appreciate the miracle of conception even more. The human body amazes me. I am shocked at how pregnancy can occur without any man-made interference.. people get pregnant on accident! That is a predicament I would love to experience!

  Our pastor once said that The Bible never says that God will never give you more than you can handle.. in fact it says God will always give you more than you can handle because he wants you to come to him for help.     Lord, we are calling on you so much right now- if us being parents is not your will-please release the anger and frustration we feel and teach us acceptance.