I suppose my expectations were way too high going into this appointment. When we got into the exam room and our doctor came in he seemed so concerned and was asking me questions about my cycles and everything and I told him, I believe the problem is that I am just not ovulating. I think that if we can give my body a push, we would have a chance at this. Instead, he flat out refused to do anything. He said (this is the doctor that did my surgery), "Since you had your Fallopian tube taken out and your cycles are not regular, I don't think that there is anything I can do for you." I was floored! I asked him, "Can't we at least regulate my cycles and maybe try Clomid?" He explained to us that he was too afraid to do anything because he wasn't sure what the Fertility Specialist would want to do since this wasn't his area of expertise, then went into a rant about class-action lawsuits and people being sue-happy with Clomid. This is coming from a doctor who was the founder for most of the OB/GYN programs at this hospital/school. He made a call center for OB/GYN patients.. HE IS AN OB/GYN... Doesn't he know that being in this field alone is more risky than any other?! Then he has the nerve to tell me that he is afraid??
I'll admit, I did get a little teary-eyed in the office. He sent me right across the hallway where the receptionist was already on the line with the fertility clinic. I was already so nervous about this place- this is the only fertility clinic in the state, so it's not like we have options. They were very cut and dry. They wanted my name, my insurance, and what I was being referred for. When the receptionist said "infertility" I couldn't hold it in. I think this is the first time in a clinical environment that anyone has said this related to me. Even the lady that was out in the hallway started to get choked up.
They even told her to tell me to be sure to bring my marriage license with me to my first appointment; isn't that weird?! Has anyone else ever had to deal with something like that? I mean, I am married so it's not like I am worried about that. I suppose the fact that they would ask for something like that seems irrelevant and it makes me feel like they are cold-hearted or something...
This person right here walked out of the office and through the waiting room with a wrinkled up tissue in hand and tears in her eyes... Maybe I made the people in the waiting room wonder what happened; made them feel like perhaps they came to the wrong place. Maybe for them too this place will become the office of broken dreams...
For the rest of the day I felt so numb. Like, what am I suppose to do now? Fortunately, Arkansas is one of 15 states with a mandate in place for fertility treatments. UNfortunately, it is only $15,000 and only covers IVF- without meds. It's not like we want to start at the top of the list with the most expensive and invasive treatment. So for now we have to pay all expenses out of pocket because this mandated money will not kick in until we have tried everything else and then it will only cover one cycle of IVF. So we want to try Clomid first and work our way up.
At least today I didn't cry as much, but it seems so much easier now to get sad. I guess before we were actually referred to the "broken reproductive organs" clinic, I was hoping we would never have to get to the point where we would actually have to go there. I was sad before yesterday, but not nearly sad as I am now. I almost feel like a completely different person.
I woke up this morning to my husband searching for infertility insurance and Rx discount plans. He was so into it and determined to find something. I didn't have the heart to tell him that there was nothing out there for us. Everything you find about it doesn't apply to patients or clinics in Arkansas.
Right now I guess we are going to wait to see what this first visit brings us, it is on the 19th of this month. We are also looking into getting supplemental insurance that will cover ALL infertility diagnostic testing and treatment. However, if you are diagnosed with infertility before insurance coverage takes effect, they consider it a "preexisting condition" and coverage for IF treatment will not start for 12 months. Keep in mind though, we have not received an official diagnosis of infertility, yet. So hopefully we can get it going before that comes up.
We are defiantly doing our research and getting our ducks in a row before this appointment. I can't imagine them having many patients our age- or maybe any at all, but we are going to go in there ready to fight this, we just hope they have the same attitude and are ready to fight this with us.
On a plus, the doctor I am going to see studied OB/GYN at Johns Hopkins and was the president and everything of a ton of stuff regarding gynecology and infertility. He founded the clinic I will be going to and is responsible for most IVF's done in this state.
Please, God, let this work for us.
No comments:
Post a Comment